insanity is a full time job

doing the same thing over and over....and over....and over...and expecting a different result. im officially insane.tried one last time to convince her to go to therapy with me. one last stand int he battle to save my family....failure. just more of her barking at me aabout whats wrong with me while doing the exact same things she says i do that piss her off. oh and apparently telling someone they are being a hypocrite is an insult. i thought it was just stating a fact. so i walk out of the room, get in my car, and go to the gym. on the way there i had a very illegal driving while talking cell phone chat with a man whos opinion I trust. he informed me that i have a golden opportunity to live a dream that most people are never able to achieve. that i am right where i need to be as long as i can get away from the anchor thats holding me down. he is right. my biggest fear is that im 36 years old....will i ever find love that will last/ will i ever have a family? well maybe im good enough. maybe if i get out of this hell and reenter life Ill find it. maybe not...but at least i can be me again. at least i can refocus on my auditions...maybe on writing again. im doing better in my first 2 years than 99 percent of those who have tried to come to hollywood and be someone...its disrespectful of me to not appreciate it and give it my all. so ladies...im here. who wants to hang out? im a pretty awesome boyfriend. what am i looking for you ask? someone who can take a fucking joke. someone who wont go insane if i jerk off every once in a while. i mean come on what man when their lady is sick and doesnt touch you for 2 weeks wont go rub one out in the shower???? good luck findin that guy sweety. im sure he will be a real catch. oh yeah that bugs me too...the thought of anyone ever again touching her....makes me sick....i guess ill get over that. i mean she is gorgeous...she wont have any trouble finding dudes....now perfect dudes that are clean freaks, never disagree with her, and never have gentlemens time....thats another story... anyway im off point again...so im going to look at a room in a house today. hopefully itll be awesome. either way im stuck sleeping on the floor in a spare room til i can move in...living in the same house is brutal....but today i find myself feeling kinda ok. today i am inspired and ready to go live my fucking life without her and her kid. never did have much in the way of family....guess ill readjust. id like to thank craig christian clay and chris for helping to talk me out of all this. those are the c's there is also scott...but mainly frankie stubbs for singing me clear of my funk.